(It's another Tuesday! For the sake of blog brevity--which I've breached many times since authoring this space--I split the current discussion over three weeks. If you're just tuning in, and even if you're back (and thank you on both counts), I'll recap:
In Part 1, I wrote about what happens when a student changes his mind about a major/career path and others are not supportive. I discussed that I'd been to an Urgent Care where I met a lovely student who told me about her path, which contained a number of changes. I reflected that there wasn't time for this person to tell me how those around her reacted to the change.
In Part 2, surprise, surprise: The Urgent Care receptionist remembered that I told her about my blog in passing. She accessed it, read about herself, and responded with more of her back-story.
Now, that you're all caught up, here is my response to her...)
Dear Student,
I am SO glad that you wrote to me and, yes, you made such a positive impression that morning in Urgent Care. I apologize for the delay in this note, but I wanted to have the mental space (read: kids have been iced/snowed in until just two days ago) to provide a thoughtful response.
I am extremely sorry that your family member had that type of response to you. I bet this person does not realize the impact that it had. I'll get to that in a moment.
First, bravo, bravo to you for going for your goals, despite this person’s reaction. Your inclination is totally right--there are many ways to get to what you want to do. Also, genius is completely relative, isn't it? People are "genius" in many ways, and, "genius" and "creativity" hardly go hand-in-hand. I would say fortitude, drive, determination, commitment, etc. have more to do with any goal than being "genius."
Sure, you need certain skills, but there are many paths to get to your goal. You already know that from your decision to not go into nursing, deciding that wasn't for you, and then looking into a different area of healthcare (which I realize also ended up not being the right path, but you were creative enough to find a way to stay the field in a different capacity, based on your current job).
Let the universe tell you what you need to know: Put your goal out there and see where the validation lands--and I'm talking about the validation that will come from getting into the program that you want, learning from experts in this field, etc. That will tell you what you need to know about your next steps. I am looking forward to hearing about it. I agree that when you feel something in your bones, you have to listen to that and go for it.
As you read in my blog this week, I didn't have a great amount of support either for my decision to teach. Read just the first paragraph or two on this Chronicle of Higher Education piece where I wrote about my grad school profs telling me how "wrong" my decision was: Like I said in the blog, my bio reveals that things worked out pretty okay for me.
I'm going to put on my other hat here for just a second: My interpersonal comm hat (you may have noticed that I write about relationships, also--it's a teaching area for me). I hope you will have a sit-down with your family member and discuss how the interaction made you feel. It sounds like this person is very special in your life; I would think that they would want to know how much their support means to you and the messages you sent to yourself when you felt you didn't have that support. It would probably be very healing, even if your family member maintains their position… but you ask for the support anyway.
(Disclaimer: In my original e-mail to the student, I didn't add this next dialogue, but I wanted to add it here and hope she will see it!)
You can say, “We recently had a conversation that had a pretty big impact on me. I want you to know that your support has meant the world to me. Your opinion is also very important to me and has helped shape other decisions I’ve made in my life.
When I told you about my decision to change my major, I realize you had my best interest in mind when you said that a person has to be ‘genius’ in order to pursue that career. I know you were probably trying to protect me, though honestly, the message that I took away is that I’m not smart enough. I took that comment pretty harshly. I know it is my choice to react to it that way.
I appreciate your opinion. I’m going to pursue this path because it feels like the right situation for me. Even if you have concerns, I hope you will support me anyway. If my plan doesn’t go as I hope, I will really need your support. But I would rather at least try to move ahead and see where that takes me, rather than give up now.”
A conversation like this where you are keeping your feelings in “I” language will hopefully go far better than the harsh startup of, “You don’t believe in me!” or “You don’t care about me!” or “Oh, so you think I’m stupid?” (Which is the way many people want to react because it’s far “safer” to convey anger than pain, right?).
I will look forward to hearing some wonderful news about your path. I've been where you are and I know what things look like on the other side :-). You can make this happen! If I can do anything to help, please let me know.
I look forward to hearing from you again!
Ellen
*****
I couldn't just end this post without adding some of the amazing comments that readers had for this student. I'll paraphrase a few here:
--"Even though you are sadly not getting the support you need from your family, I believe you can absolutely accomplish all of your dreams and plans. I love your resolve to take this negativity and turn it into fuel for the journey! Good luck!"
--"I have been in the same situation. No support, surrounded only by doubters. It is amazing that once one steps onto the path that we are destined for, how both doubt and encouragement become fuel. Doors do open when we follow our true calling. I was 30 years old before I found the faith to pursue mine. I am now almost 40 and realize that every hardship in my past has prepared me for each and every success of my present."
--"I know quite a few people who are involved in computer programming and design. I think it really takes dedication and a love for what you are doing, both of which you already seem to have. In addition, I changed majors six times while I was in college, because I kept finding new things I loved. There is nothing wrong with spending some time searching for what you love, and once you find it, you most definitely should pursue it!"
So, students, what are you struggling with? I'm back to regular programming next week, but always taking questions at chattyprof@gmail.com. Also, remember that you can "Like" the Chatty Professor on Facebook and the blog will come straight to your FB door! Till next week, be well!!!
I had a question from a student this past week! Can you tell I'm crazy-excited about that?
I've had a number of comments to the blog--thank you times one million and keep them coming! This question, however, is one that I know impacts many students out there, both those in face-to-face classes and in online environments. This discussion might even help anyone trying to write in a more expansive way.
So, here goes:
Dear Chatty Professor,
I just wanted to thank you for writing your last post "Why Asking for Help is the New Smart." After I read your blog, I felt encouraged to write to my professor for help about an issue that I'm having in class (Class name left out for anonymity). I feel my writing is not up to this person's standards when compared to the majority of students who are majors in the field. After I "beef up" my responses as the professor asks, I am still not receiving full points. Do you have any additional tips on how to "beef up" online postings/discussions or improve communications in an online learning setting. Did I mention English is my second language?
*****
Just for further context, the student included the initial e-mail exchange with the prof, which was awesome (but, just for the record, not necessary to send to me along with your question. Ask anyway!): The student used "I" language, mentioned the specific points of struggle, and asked directly how to improve the scores.
The prof wrote back and said that writing was sound, but not extensive enough. The student needed to meet the "quality" and "quantity" standards for the post. In this case, the prof wanted 14 sentences for each posting--original and response (Just an aside, this is pretty specific. Many profs don't tell the exact line length to shoot for.)
Now for my response:
"I'm so glad that you wrote to me! Yes, I can definitely give you some tips:
1. I see that the prof is telling you what to do, but have you asked, "Professor, do you have a sample of what you consider to be an ideal post? It would be helpful for me to see what the students who are getting higher grades are doing."
2. Along those same lines, a discussion forum rubric is another way to gauge what your prof is looking for. If your prof doesn't have one, maybe you can say, "Would you be willing to let the students create a rubric and add this as an extra assignment?" (even extra credit?). I think having students create the criteria for what is considered a strong discussion forum post (with the prof's guidance) could benefit everyone.
3. It's wonderful that the prof is giving you an actual guideline regarding the number of lines he/she wants you to follow in your response. It sounds like your quality is going well (and, in my opinion, that's the harder part), but your prof wants you to add more. Here are ways to do this:
-First, if this is a response, make sure you directly comment on the original poster's material. I tell my students "advance the conversation." So, in essence, you take a look at the post of the person you're responding to then you pull out something from their post that you can paraphrase and carry further.
So, let's say I'm writing that I disagree with AMC's "Breaking Bad" leaving the air (I'm going to take a really light topic here, although an important one to me!). I discuss that it's a wonderful show. It has won many awards. I also feel that the writers could take the storyline further and the show is being canceled prematurely.
Now, you respond: "Ellen, I really appreciated your comment about Breaking Bad being canceled (acknowledging the point of my comment). I see that you're saying it should stay on the air because the writers can take the storyline further (paraphrasing my comment). You know, I have a different view on this: It seems that Hank is very close to finding out that Walt is really Heisenberg and, really, how much longer can this cat-and-mouse game continue? I also believe that the only way the writers could dramatize this show further is to bring back Walt's lung cancer, and that would just appear to be a ploy to keep the show going." In that response, you have taken my words and advanced them with your own ideas. Certainly, you'd keep writing to meet the line requirement outlined by your prof.
-Now, how to expand: Make sure you are telling and showing. I teach my students this all the time with respect to speech writing. It's one thing to mention a fact or an idea (the "tell"), but you can "beef up" your content by giving examples and background about that fact, as well as your ideas and opinion. This is considered "showing" what you are "telling."
Here is an example: Often, when my students do their career speeches, they might say, "According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, an accountant's starting salary can range from the low $40,000s to the mid $60,000s."
This singular statement "tells" the audience a fact.
Here's what happens when we add some "show" to it:
"According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, an accountant's starting salary can range from the low $40,000s to the mid $60,000s. My uncle, Joe Jones, who has been an accountant for the past five years, states that his salary started in the mid-$50,000s because he went to work for a very small company. He also knew that in his town, accountants just starting out didn't earn quite as much. Later, Joe moved to a different state, joined a much larger organization, and his salary increased by about 40%."
-Another way to expand: Go to your textbook for the topic, itself, and see what the authors are saying. Of course, you can't lift material from the book--that would be plagiarism. However, you can cite the text (my students would get major points for that!) and then build on what the author is saying, whether you agree or disagree.
-Yet another way to expand: Go to the internet, then to your school's library page, and do some additional research about the topic. Make sure you use credible sources (which is why I recommend going to your school's library search engines, unless you already have a credible body of sites that you are using for the class), of course. The class you are taking seems like it would have ripe possibilities for finding additional material that you can comment on. Put in some key words from the prof's post to help your search. Then, once you find an article or two that would work for you, incorporate that into your post. You can say, "I did some research and found this great article from..." At the end of your post, you can add the link.
-Just generally speaking, when your post seems too lean, keep asking yourself questions to expand: "Why?" and "How?" are a good start to help you continue to "show" what you know. Here are some other question prompts to help you as you read through your initial writing and strive to add more:
-What is the difference between?
-What is interesting or surprising to me?
-What else does this remind me of? What else does this look like?
-How can I tell?
-What is the reason ________ is this way?
-What can I generalize from this?
I appreciate you telling me that English is not your native language. On my campus, a huge number of my students are also ESL, and I realize that it's hard and sometimes not culturally comfortable to assert what feels like a ton of your thoughts/opinion in a discussion forum post (or in a paper, speech, etc.). Know that your prof wants to hear your voice! Therefore, he/she is giving you the space to share your knowledge and ideas. So, go for it!
I hope you'll follow up with great grade news!!!
I'm going to share your question on my blog; I believe your issue is shared by many, many students and would be helpful to them.
Please write again! I'm glad to help.
Best of luck to you. I know you are going to do well!
Ellen"
Okay, students, who else is struggling out there? I'd love to hear about it. I've said before and I'll say it again... if I don't know the answer, I have ready-resources and have no problem asking for help! Colleagues, do you have more to add to my ideas for this student regarding "quality" and "quantity" in discussion forum posts?
Dear Student,
