Why Asking for Help is the New Smart

Here is an actual e-mail chain with a student:

Student:  Bremen.  Looked at my grade. Lower than I was expecting.

Me:  Well, I show that your journal is missing. That would have been worth 100 points. An outline checklist wasn't completed--another 25 points. I sent the class an e-mail asking everyone to check their grades and it's great that you've done that. Were these assignments completed and I didn't receive them in the drop box? Or were they missed?

Student:  I didn't understand what to do, so I didn't do them.

Me:  I would have loved to know you were having trouble. I could have helped.

Student:  (No reply).

I'm actually still waiting for a reply and suspect it's not coming...

This scenario is one that I experience frequently in the course of an academic year. Students would prefer to avoid an assignment (and lose the points) than to simply ask for help.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. There was quite a buzz on Twitter a few months ago about this Ed Week article, which discusses high school students' unwillingness to ask for help--even their idea that doing so is a sign of weakness (Look at the part: "Real men don't ask for help.").

If asking for help is considered weak in high school, what happens when the anti-help high schoolers transition into college?

College is the place for exploration, open inquiry, agreement/disagreement, and everything in between.

Isn't it?

How can a student maximize those opportunities if he/she is afraid to ask for help or believes that there is some failure in doing so?  

I would love to see a widespread re-think, based on this idea. A revolution, if you will! Try it on for size:

Asking for help is "the new smart"!

Let me back it on up here...

I teach my public speaking students that when they verbally cite credible sources in their speeches, they should picture themselves carrying the experts from those sources piggyback... sort of like a "credibility totem pole." Or, like acrobats who flip and land on the shoulders of a "catcher."

This is the mental image you should have when you use the "smarts" of others to support you. Asking others for help means that you carry their knowledge and wisdom on your shoulders. Then, you  become stronger in your own knowledge because: 

-You look pretty darned smart for being able to say, "Hey, I am not sure if I'm doing this right and I want to check and see if I am."
-You become someone that others seek out because you found the right answer and now you're "in the know."
-You are ultimately seen as a trusted someone who knows where to find the right resources if you can't figure out the answer yourself.

These are all qualities hugely sought-after in the workplace, and they are rare to find.

Given the fact that unemployment is at an all-time high AND communication skills are the #1 desirable employability skill, wouldn't the ability to not only have the right answers, but also to communicate the right questions to find them be one hell of an important skill to have?

Isn't school the place to practice the communication skill of asking the right questions?

So what's the communication lesson here?

Pretty simple:  Ask for help!

You can phrase it any way you like from:

-"Can you help?"
to
-"I don't know what in the heck is going on here and I need to figure it out"
or
-"I'm totally lost and would like not to be."

You can even approach the question somewhat covertly or abstractly:
-"I think I have an idea of what we're supposed to be doing, but just want to ensure that I'm correct"
or
-"I'm missing the mark on this particular concept and I think I know why."

Bottom line: 

Smart people don't have all the answers, but they know when they don't have them. Then, they strive to figure out where to get them.

A few examples:
-A dear, dear friend of mine just took a job that requires a ton of work in Excel. She was up front with her supervisor and said, "I don't want to say that I don't know, but I'd really like to learn." Now she is taking a class in Excel, paid for by her employer.

-When I decided that I wanted to get out of health care (long story, but it was my former profession for seven years before I went back to school) and start teaching college-level communication, I literally picked up the phone and cold-called a college professor who taught speech communication. I said, "I'd like to know how you got where you are because I want to do it, too. Can I take you for coffee?" I didn't even have a Bachelor's degree yet. See where asking for help got me with that one??? 


And, finally, something really personal...
-I have lost 90+ lbs over a period of 13 years. I have a morbidly obese family. I didn't have too many inherent "smarts" to control the problem, myself. When I decided that I was "done", I became an anthropologist of weight loss. I lost my weight without surgical means (Hello! It took 13 years!); I learned from those who knew more than I did about nutrition, exercise, and, later, ultimately jogging and marathoning. To this day, I rely on a trusted instructor at my local YMCA for wisdom and guidance. I even started seeing a specialist every two weeks who is the head of non-surgical weight management at a local hospital. The instructor taught me about running and knows far more than I do about exercise. The doctor knows about the science of long-term weight loss. I need their help! Why?

Because the minute I become too proud or ashamed to ask for help could be the minute that I begin to backslide.

Now, I consider myself a pretty smart woman, but I don't attribute my smartness to my degrees or my academic career.

I am smart because I am unafraid to find the people who know more and learn from them.

Whether you are in high school or college, be selfish. Build your own "smart totem pole" or "acrobatic routine of brilliance."

At the very least, open your mouth and ask for help from the people who have signed up to give it to you.

Need more ammunition? Read this USA Today College piece by an actual student who got over her fear of asking for help and went for it--with impressive results!

Students, I challenge you to ask for help... either by e-mailing a college-related issue or question to chattyprof@gmail.com, by posting a comment, or by telling your strategies for getting help when you need it. Colleagues, what about students who don't ask for help because they think we're too busy? Or that we'll think less of them? Or??? Weigh in!